I feel a real distance from my legal name to the point where I just make things up about myself in therapy sometimes. For example, before I wrote to the lawyer on Friday, I wrote to my therapist and I told her that I went to the bathroom in my pants when I was at a clubhouse and that I'm embarrassed by the memory of this. I never went to the bathroom in my pants at a clubhouse, but I try to find ways to embarrass myself so I don't get overwhelmed by the reality of the way people treat me.