I understand attaching to a really violating thing as a way to make sense of the trauma you are experiencing in your experience with disability services and in the legal system, the trauma you've experienced in other situations throughout your life. Many people wouldn't view that as true trauma, although I think it's certainly made an impact on how you interact with the world. Maybe there's a part of you that thinks if you experienced something like being raped, then people would take your trauma seriously?